When She says No, it means a No!

Yesterday I watched a scene from one of my favorite Malayalam movies, Kanmadam starring Mohanlan and Manju warrior with utter shock, my jaw dropped and every inch of my body froze in disgust and anger! My American friend, Brittney sat next to me in utter shock. We just saw what could be best described as Rape/sexual Violence and it was being portrayed as a romantic moment in the movie.

The female protagonist was verbally and with every possible body language (she raced the Sickle in her hand) indicating that she doesn’t want to be touched, and the male protagonist in the movie using extreme force pushes himself on her – holds her hand tightly on either sides while she is struggling and forcefully kisses her on the mouth. The girl keeps saying, no, till she stops fighting and the sickle falls of her hand. This is supposedly his show of romance – A guy who has never expressed his love for her anywhere in the movie prior to this. What is even more ridiculous is that the movie shows that following this forceful kiss, the girl falls in love with the guy. It is like making the statement that women love violence or abuse and if the girl doesn’t approve, force your manhood on her and she is yours. It made me want to puke! Blood was gushing through every vein in my body. It was like Mardani anthem was echoing in my ears: Ched Kar Dekho Tum Mujko, Tumko Nahin Main Chodoonge!

This movie was released 15 years ago when in my own memory rape and abuse culture was not at its peak in Kerala. Today it has gone overboard. Scenes like this portrayed by conscious reputed male Malayalam actors like. Mohanlal, Dileep etc and of course, the directors of these movies, totally make rape and abuse “ok” in the social culture. it directly promotes rape culture in the society.

I was very young then and remember the discomfort in the scene but since I loved Mohanlal so much, I forced myself to take it as ok – maybe even made myself believe that maybe it is pleasurable as depicted in the movie. But from my own life experience and speaking with many women friends across the world, I can say that forceful domination of a girl or woman against her will whether by a stranger, boy friend, lover, or husband is never enjoyable. It is nothing but Rape. It is never romance. Girls, don’t be fooled to think this way. A man who does that to you, will also hit you and make you believe it is but an act of love.

It is similar to many scenes depicted in Greek mythology where the goddesses are forcefully taken, raped and then trophied as queens who are supposedly Happy! Let me tell you this, if a girl tells you “No” without a smile on her face, it means No – even if it is in a marriage. Men need to get that. Otherwise it is rape whether in a marriage or outside. It is not ok.

Sister, please learn to recognize abuse in every shape, size or form and do not label it as love and do not find ways to justify the acts of your boyfriend, lover or husband. Violence of any kind is never love. Wake up and realize that!Aactresses who do these kind of roles, need to be more capable to recognize the abuse in the script and demand a re-write.
We cannot be OK with this. It has to stop.

Men, If you still haven’t got it, I have nothing to say to you!

There is much to write but Don’t have the mind to, right now!
Think over this!

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